Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
