how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
