Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
