Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
