if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would fuck him just for his dog
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