'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
