Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
