no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
