I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
