If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
