dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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