you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
