just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can you bring me the toilet please
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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