I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
