i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
