Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
