One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
