Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
