I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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