I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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