based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Less talking, more tequila
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
