I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
