WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
