Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
