I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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