Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
