I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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