Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
