At least make sure they are 18
Why
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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