I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You smell like stripper and shame
I am spending my child support on dildos
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
