i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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