Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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