Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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