You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
sex in a hospital.. check
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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