I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
