Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I did not marry a roomba.
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