yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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