Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
