I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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