i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
