I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
