After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
