can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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