your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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