i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
