i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
