Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My feet surprised me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
