You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
