Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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