I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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