I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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