Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
