Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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