K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
