I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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