I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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