Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize