it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
