I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
