I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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