he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
