If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
