I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize