I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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