I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
