I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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